It was quite a spectacle, the sight of a man defecating into the Lagoon from the top of the Third Mainland Bridge. Lagos Na Wa.
I was on my way from a meeting with a prospective client on lagos island and had somehow missed riding in the branch manager’s car, now I had to take public transport, the part I hated most about Lagos. After a bit of struggle, I finally found a seat beside this cute girl wearing a pair of nerdy looking glasses. I was about passing a compliment when a woman with very voluptuous bosom sat beside me. with a coarse voice she yelled “abeg dress make I siddon, na ya papa parlour you think say you dey? I wondered what the aggression was for and almost replied her sarcastically…Not in a mood for a fight, I adjusted myself to make space for her on the seat and looked past my cute nerd neighbour to the approaching bridge.
I saw the man stooped right on top of the median. I wondered what he was doing until I saw him wipe his nyansh with a paper the wind brought his way. The stooped man peered at the yellow-brown stain on the white sheet, smelt it and shook his head as if it did not come from his black bottom. He had been defecating right into the Lagos Lagoon from the bridge, nonchalantly. I stared at him imagining the breeze that must be blowing into his rear anatomy, wishing I could enjoy such indulgence rather than being smouldered in the claustrophobic interior of the molue, by the annoying fat co-passenger.
I must have been staring too long when I felt a sharp jolt from my Neighbour in the molue who hissed and eyed me. Her disapproval of my indulgence was evident on her face. She turned away and said “all dis shameless small small girls…see as she dey look the man prick”. I bowed my head in shame. How could I possibly explain to the woman that I was dreaming about Chris, who had suddenly stopped picking my calls, about meeting my 50million Naira target for the month, about my house rent that was going to expire at the end of the year and about my 83 year old grandfather who needed urgent medical attention. Life in lagos was not as easy as I thought and I’m no longer excited about the banking job that brought me all the way from Ekiti to Lagos.
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