LAGOS: WEATHER AND THE APPOCALYSES

Lagos is ripe for the Sodom-And-Gomorah treatment.

There is a haze of dry dust-ladden air over The Dung Hill of a Mega City- Lagos. The bone-marrow-sucking weather condition just wanna send me to the bottom of the wine bottle, but I bested it, weathering the storm with droughts upon endless droughts of black tea, and green tea.

We thank The Good Lord for fortitude to carry through. The other day’s binging with my chum,Who Just Back From The Yookay, was a crazy-ass revel. I tell you a truth, it was Golden-Bowl Cracking Crazy. I don’t wanna go down that broadway no more (for the time being. Madames et Monsieurs, Its time-out from the barrel’s bottom for yours soberly.

A boozehead should quit when he’s ahead; he should have the sense to refrain when the hug of the bottle becomes too comfy, and the kiss of the rouge spirit too sweet, and the muse yanking too hard at his heartstrings. I am a winer, but I quit. I am going Tea-Total. All other vices (the world call them vices, but they are the virtues of the Titans of Mount Olympus) Women and Songs remains irresolute. Amen. Come Lord Jesus.

My friend, Freeborn Ifeanyichukwu, sighing, bluntly postulated that “On the most clement of days, breathing clean air inside the APM Terminals, Apapa, is such a big effort… but, on such an atypical day as this, no thanks to the crispy dry atmosphere and the smoke spitting trailers, one is acutely reminded of how squarely the mere existence of man depends on every single drawn breath; dusty, smoky, dry and all. The lungs do not discriminate. I hope!”.

I heaved a sigh too and replied:

“The Lagos port is a worse place to be without breathing aparatuses.”

And we both heaved a sigh of resignation, and let the matter drop. There is no day I don’t go to the wharf at Apapa and don’t get a dry-throaty cough and nose feeling like I got bales of wool stuffed in there clogging my nasal passage, the next morning. I wonder how folks make their living out there at the Apapa Wharf. And you find folks fucking, smoking, sniffing, drinking all manner of stuff in that life-shortening atmosphere of Apapa-Lagos. You would think that a Oil City like Warri should be worse for pollution, but no, apart from the constant discordant din, Warri is a much more healthier environment than Apapa-Lagos.

The Almighty (Allah SWOT) should scrap the whole creation and re-creation project and bring an end to this compromised world, starting from Lagos port Terminals, especially Apapa. Okay, the crappy whole wide world don’t have to go into the divine trash-bin. Such sin cities as Warri, Calabar, and Good Old Port Harcourt should be spared for cloning a new and better world for humans, and Women. Come Lord Jesus.

Lagos is marked for demolition. The earth, air, sky and sea of this fine city is a blessing to mankind. Unfortunately, the fifth element, being the human factor, is a scourge upon the face of this Good Earth. Lagos is polluted with, and by humans; Their heedless activities of degrading The Creator’s masterpiece, the abuse of all things bright and beautiful, and the fetid and contaminated air they breathe out of their rotten lungs as they go about destroying everything God has made Great And Small is an aberration of the ideal of “Wise And Wonderful. God’s effort has been frustrated, and so in his righteous fury let him set off the apocalypses. Let the end begin with Nemesis preceding the terrible Four Horsemen. But that is not going to happen today, today being Friday, is a Holy Day in Lagos. Thank God it’s Friday. Eko ‘o ni baje o!

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