I just discovered I’m not a slave to facebook. Do you know how? I will tell you, if you promise to not tell my fast-talking friend, Mark Z. I was his slave, like great many of you, gullible fish. But now I am liberated, yes I am.

I was hooked, so hook I was literally hanging by my nose from the end of the puppeteer’s strings. I could never do without the facebook. I was practically living there as a galley slave, or a cotton-picking “N”. On that social media, I had unlearned how to face my book, and becoming a couch potato. In Those days I would be in front of the TV and the brain-sucker would have gone dead for hours and I won’t notice, because I will have my nose stuck to the screen of my blackberry (no illuminati iphone, or capitalist HTC or worm-infested Apple for me- not yet). I have been facebooking away precious man-hour- not good for the economy. The thing has taken over my life from television-. It was not a good thing at all. But now, I am liberated, am I not?

Great many friends of mine: the dumber ones have left facebook for twitter, and a few smart ones, for instagram, and the confused ones, Cyber Loco. but I’m still here on facebook, virtually talking the walk and walking the talk. Getting out was hard, it is very hard now, and will get harder yet. But I make the choice now. Yes, I do make the choice to hang loose and swing free.

My BIS expired 12 solid hours ago, so very unexpectedly. MTN, that’s my service provider, only notified me of the expiration of my subscription after a whole long frustrating hour of inability to update my facebook status. I was consumed, that time, by a very powerful impulse to throw the darn Blackberry against a wall, but I was in the over-crowded MMA2 airport then, seeing my younger brother off, and there were people- women and children- and there was glass everywhere I turned, so I simmered down. Besides, there might be someone from the social media who may recognise me as that Facebook Cool Guy, now losing his cool and going apeshit in public domain. My folks too may think I was on some other psychedelic shit than Facebook- Mark Zuckerberg’s facebook.

I was muttering “F@ck it! F@ck! F@ck! F@ck it!” “F@ck” is a decent way of saying “WTF?” as we normally do on facebook to let off some bottled-up steam. I kept chanting the words like some therapeutic mantra all noon till this moment- 2400hrs. I have been off facebook for that long and nothing no great evil befell me. The sky didn’t fall afteral, and I didn’t fizzle out nor had my golden bowl cracked.

This experience is a watershed for me. I have come to the realisation that one can live outside of one’s locality, be it facebook or twitter or instagram. Even if you were a Digital Native, you can live outside the boundary of the Social Media; or if you were a slave on the cyber plantation, you can go on a strike in protest for whatever reason. But I tell you what, it is a cold ass world out there. The thrill of crossing the territorial borders of the Social Media is nasty, brutish and short-lived. The better and surer thrill is here on facebook. We can’t afford to stray too far, no matter the lure or pull to get out. There is nothing alluring outside of here in truth. It is my candid opinion, therefore, that we redefine the terms of our new social contract. We must create a clear distinction between us- The Digital Natives- and them- the Cyber Alliens, and defend our territory against the forces of anarchy being the service providers.




I have a dream, that someday soon, we will take over the wired world, Pro Bono.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.



  1. Ah, ha! I always thought that the world was advancing but now I see that human communication is based on artificial avenues of communication.

    I really appreciate this, Okiri, particularly because, I can see how I am a slave, myself, to this machine.

    Thanks for enlightening us all on our techological slavery.


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