That remarkable Friday, I chose to attend the Jumat service, out of curiosity. The Mullah exhorted me to take off my shoes. No, siree! I wasn’t gonna do that. I am aware of the deleterious effect of taking my boots off in a crowded place like a Mosque on a Friday. My socks stink and the noisome smell is definitely haram. I don’t want a “fatwa” shrieking mob coming down on me, thinking I was some sort of terrorist to be polluting the holy place with bio-hazards.

I offered to keep my shoes on and go make my salat in the women’s section at the back. His twin brows went up, forming two perfect question marks, his face looked flushed, and his untidy beard was twitching the eyes were glazing over. I saw a storm coming fast at me, then I took the cue for my “shoe-off or exit”. I’ve shown that I was Boko-inclined, and an unwanted guest in that holy ground. I started to take off my boots, when it hit me to go say my prayers in the next mosque.

He was still glaring darkly at me when I took leave of him, making an excuse to go perform my ablution, and wash my dick again as his bitter looks had made me pee my Jeans. For a parting shot, I said “Shalom Aleikem”, which is Jewish lingo for “salaam Aleikum”. I am not a trouble maker my nature, bet that brotha Mullah just pissed me off. But I’m cool. I have my goat on leash.

In here is a moral lesson for Christians, Jews, and People of The Book: your smelly socks will come in handy in reprisal counter-offensive against those bombing the shit out of you in the North, Middle-East, and Everywhere. But don’t take this advice, good people, Just keep turning the other cheeks, until the morons tire and leave you in piece. Shalom!



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