I just want her to see me. And I want her eyes to light up in response to my ready-to-go Close-Up Smile, but no. She keep looking over my shoulders- when I shift my face into focus, she shifts her eyes over my right or left shoulder; when I manage to move into focus, she looks right through me as if I am Invincible Man. No, she isn’t myopic or astigmatised , she’s pretty.

There is no way in the world I could start reeling off my sales pitch if she wouldn’t make eye contact. I know I’m not much to look at, but I got a great sales pitch which starts with a Eye-To-Eye contact. I will compliment the rare brightness of her eyes, even if they were bloodshot, or jaundiced; I will, as a rule, compliment the curious colour of the eyes, asking if she’s wearing contact lenses- she will say “no”, or she will say “yes”, but I would have moved on to the next stage of my programme of conquest, as a conversation would have been underway. That is how sales are made and deals clinched, and partnership contracted.

If all that gimmick don’t work, like they aren’t working right now, I could activate plan B, but that too depends on the unwieldy Eye-To-Eye Contact and a flash of my winsome smile. Plan B is simply saying “hello” or “hi” followed with a wave of the hand. The wave is optional but recommended for desperados. (Just look me in the eye already, baby, and I will have you eating out of my hand like a hush puppy. Yesiree, I do, hush-hush puppy thingys).

Like all rules, making eye contact works, and sometime, as rules go, they don’t work shit. The rule is to stick to The Rules. The exception is “no exemption to the rule”. When rules don’t work what do you do? You break the rule and discard The Rule. But in discarding the rule, you had better be a Superman, because rules govern every of Man’s games. You win by playing by The Rule. The rules ain’t working this time, so I need a break.

Touching. Touching is as good as any form of contact. Touching is an acknowledgment that the object or subject of pick up exists. And, now, enter the blasted rule again- “Be thou mindful of how thou touchest people.” The option is great: I could touch her cheek, her chin, her shoulder, her upper arm, lower arm her hip, her thigh, steer well of her crouch, “it hasn’t got to that part yet. You could be sued for trespass or for breaking some other rules made to protect people’s (women’s) privacies”, so says The Still Small Voice. But a contact must be made to make a sale or clinch a deal.

You could be selling anything from peanuts to real estates. Your approach to making that sale you so vehemently desire is as sacrosanct as the gratification that comes with the accomplishment of making it. I am neither selling peanuts nor real estates to this lady. I am only hustling for a pick up.

In dating- from pick up to getting laid, you don’t play by no rules. It is better if you let instinct take over. Men’s rationality often gets in the way of great accomplishments, unless you are philosophizing- which is a useless enterprise anyhow. Go take lessons from the ants, or cousin wilde Anime, even Farm anime, or your pets- They have no need for the hocus pocus and gig-gams of rules in getting laid. When they get the itch, they just up and get laid, no matter whose ox is gored in the process, or whose chick get laid. It is their hustle, but we can make it ours. We are the higher animals, Aren’t we?

So Rule Number one: dump the clumsy and useless pick up lines, and let instinct guide you.
Rule Number one. Make it your rule to follow no rule.
Rule number one: don’t be stupid to think this rules work. Be yourself, we are social animals. Get it? Animals that’s what we are.
And Rule Number one: just K.I.S.S. This is good for business or pleasure, selling or buying, laying or getting laid.


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