OF FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

I just can’t wrap my head around the concept of FRIENDS WITH BENEFIT. Why does the brotha have to play ATM always, and the Sistah be at the receiving end all the time?

I recourse to looking in the Oxford Advanced English Learner’s Dictionary for what “friends” and “benefit” might mean, but I am distressed here as what I find out about “friend” and “benefit” is far cry from my real life experience of the word.

Miss Comfort (surname withheld) is my good friend of say 10 years now. We go way back to my cavalier days at Ambrose Alli University, in ’03. We reconnected in Lagos after graduation. She’s still single, and I am single too; she still got needs those needs that I alone can fill, I am her friend indeed.
But I am re-examing this friendship. She’s changed recently and is trying to change me (technically speaking)

Only this afternoon, while out galivanting around Lagos, I got this text from her:

Chris,I am in need. pls can u lend me at least 4 thousand naira. I want 2 use it 2 buy …stuff and some drugs,…

That is a friend in need, and there I was pissing my money away on beer and some chics of easy virtues. I stopped, checked in my pocket and found I had a little less than four Thousand Naira on me, no ATM Card, no thought of borrowing. I called her telling her I was coming over if she was at home. She was home and I went over to her place.

Flying Okada, and ridding in keke to get to Comfort’s place, from Ikeja to Ijaiye, I got there in one piece and some Naira short. It was late already and I was in such a mad rush to get home in time that I didn’t even spare a moment to cuddle and chit-chat. I gave her two thousand Naira and made a dash. There was no “thank you sweetie”. I didn’t mind that slip, after all she’s distracted by ill health as she said in the sms (though she looked alright, talked alright).

I dashed out of Comfort house one sad brotha. The frown on her face could only have meant I forked up not forking over the whole loot. I have kept some change to transport back home with, and she was eyeing it. She actually commented, in place of ‘thank you sweetie’, that:

only if I can get a thousand Naira more…”

“Crap”, I said inaudibly. She didn’t appreciate my gesture, I am dishing out all I got on me to help a friend, and my gesture is unappreciated? that sucks. I should be regretting responding to her distress call. Well, anything goes in love in friendship as well as in war. I will count my teeth with my tongue and take my loss. She succeed in further wrestling a fifty Naira note out of my hand. I took my loss in good faith. But I am not a happy man this instant. This is not the first time Comfort played smarter with me. I want to make it the last at any rate.

The other day, I was as horny as a goat, and wanted relief. I went a-calling on Miss Comfort, do you know what went down that day at her place? Well, that will be story for another day. Just watch this space. Ciao!

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