See how she is wagging, and gyrating, and winding her fanny in my face. It is not funny, it is seductive. That’s it! I am done! I am never coming back to this church! This is a conspiracy to lure a brotha from the straight and narrow path. This is too much to bear! I find myself humming “amazing grace” when the congregation is hymning “onward christian soldier”

The Church is supposed to be a place of solemn contemplation. It is also allowed to praise the lord in the sanctuary, to offer songs and dance in the beauty of the lord’s holiness. But this daughter of eve is suspect: the uncanny way the temptress gets in front of me every sunday. I know it is her, I recognize that nicely sculptured masterpiece of a booty, Even though she keep changing her attires and perfumes every sunday.

I cannot, by any means of logic- deductive or inductive reason- fathom why I always have Miss Fanny in front of me during church service, especially offering time. I never see her during sunday school, I guess she is in the workers class, while I am still struggling to graduate from the new converts’ class. But once the main service commences she is there. And when it’s time to sing and dance to the lord OMG, I lost my deduction and induction to seduction.

I get completely demoralized when she gets in line, in front of me, and I match behind her to the altar during offering time-blessing time. At this times, I try not to let my guard down: I resist to dance like David danced (King David had thrown all royal dignity to the wind and danced with such sensual reckless abandon, praising God) I will never even get enough space to waltz in because she has this freakish way of jerky acceleration back-and-forth-back-and-forth, that I keep bumping into her rear fenders. Thank God for small mercy, my hard-on flagpole don’t extend beyond my boxer shots.

But could it be I am being set up, to try my faith? Or is it just my imagination playing games with me? Do I need to work out my salvation with greater fear and more trembling? I really don’t want to leave this church now. I got born again and gave my life to the saviour right here in this church. There are so many reason why I should stay on. It is such beautiful and inspiring assembly, and I love beautiful things and inspiring people. Maybe I could get hitched here too, who knows? I have always wanted to hitch-up and settle the hell down. Maybe I should resist the devil, but I am a mere mortal, fallible man that I am. In sin did my mother conceive moi. Such things takes grace, abundant grace. So I am sticking to it. The good book says “no man who put his hands to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom”.



  1. Maybe she wants to marry you…you could try to know. Maybe she intends to give the proprietory right to that backside bounty to you forever.


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