Most times, some times, I like dogs better than people. I like dogs not because dogs can lick their own balls and people can’t, but because a man is a man’s worst enemy, and a bitch is a man’s best friend. A pussy is a man’s favourite too, but I like dogs better than everyone.

People have a way of deliberately mixing up their priorities, but not so Dogs: Dogs know who their friends are, and their beefs too. Dogs don’t pretend with you. If a Dog don’t like you, you are the first to know it. Dogs, being territorial beings respect boundaries, they never step out of line or step over for nothing: in this, they are extra-rational beings (that’s a new word, check your next. Edition of Webster Dict).

The only thing I’m still trying to figure out about my friends is why they keep chasing after cars they know they’d never get to ride. Well, then, men chase after women they never intend to marry (women too).

Dogs are so easy to please: give a Dog wishbone, he will suck up to you all the time, and wag her tail for you anytime. Give man the whole chick’s breast, fleshily succulent as it is, the man is never pleased. The man always suck up to god for more, but Dog is always content with little.

If I was God, I will put Dogs on guard to watch over the Tree of Knowledge-of-Good-And-Evil; I will never ever let that apple-stealing homo-erectus go anywhere near enough to bark up that tree. I will chase the ape out of paradise. Let the man go and learn to sow wild oats in the concrete jungle he has created for himself. Eish!

There is one more thing I like about a man’s best friends: They certainly know how to keep cool when the heat is on. Dogs don’t go chasing tails endlessly like men do. When a Dog needs to mount, he just hitch up the nearest bitch and have a jolly ride to the peak of the mount. I need not belabour this point, but it is enough to state clearly that Dogs need not keep victoria’s secret, but people do.